Just Don't Say It!

7 years ago
Don’t You Dare Say It!
17:47
26 Sep

(Photo: Pokerq4.com)

Manners and politeness may not be at an all-time high in modern society, and probably even less so at the poker table, but there are certain phrases which really shouldn’t pass your lips during play!

I’m not just talking about “the action’s on you dickhead” or “honey, he called me with queen-ten” – there are a number of silly things you should keep to yourself. Here we go with the top seven…


1. One time!

No! Just do not use this phrase. Please! If there’s one thing guaranteed to make me fast-forward the WSOP coverage or mark someone down as an asshole, it’s this vastly over-used line.

And of course, it’s never just ‘one time’ that certain players use it – it’s all the bloody time when they need to hit! Listen, if this is the one-time you’re going to hit, then it’ll happen regardless of you asking for it – just zip it and see what falls.



2. Sorry!

No! What the fuck are you sorry about? You are there to beat people and take their money, that’s the whole point of poker – don’t insult them further, or yourself, by apologizing!

If you win a pot, even if you hit your one-outer on the river, then that’s just poker – nothing to feel bad about. No need to gloat either, of course – just take your chips and get on with it and let your opponent bemoan his fate and existence if he wants!


3. I had 22 outs!

And? What exactly is your point? You didn’t hit them did you – because you’re not meant to hit them all the time! Just keep it to yourself and remember that at some pint, if you’re playing well and correctly, you’ll win the money back.

Coming across as a whinger isn’t going to either impress anyone, or make them think you’re a pro for knowing your outs. You lost, next hand please.



4. Give me a queen dealer!

What? The dealer’s suddenly your friend with intimate knowledge of the next card? Give me a break. If the queen is going to appear she will in her own good time – why make the dealer feel awkward or bad about it when she doesn’t?

It’s the same as players ‘praying’ for a card – why should some god or dealer favour you over anyone else in the game? Get a grip and grow some balls!


5. Nice hand!

Really? The hand that just bust you was nice? Well unless you’re being serious and really mean it (which is about, like, almost never when this phrase rears its ugly head) then just don’t say it!

If you’re saying it sarcastically because your opponent played really badly, then again best not to open your mouth. Just tuck his bad play away in the memory banks and punish him for it next time round.



6. The problem with…

No, no, no! We all know you’re going to say Obama, or Trump or Cameron, or Muslims or whatever! Keep your political and religious ideologies to yourself! No-one else wants to discuss serious and/or controversial subjects at the poker table.

Why not? Because it’s not fun and it causes arguments and it detracts from the game itself. Save it for your buddies in your favorite bar (unless that’s where and with whom you’re playing poker –in which case, knock yourself out!).


7. I can’t believe you played…

No, I’m sure you can’t – but it doesn’t mean whatever the other person did was bad; maybe they know more than you do! And if they really did do something dumb then a) don’t let them know and b) so what – you want them to make mistakes!

Don’t scare or insult people away from the game – it’s not only a bad way to act in general, but likely to cost you money and invites to games in the future!


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Andrew from Edinburgh, Scotland, is a professional journalist, international-titled chess master, and avid poker player.Read more

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