Unique Poker Hand Names

While playing a cash game at my local casino in Edinburgh, Scotland last week, the young lady (well, I say young…she turned out to have a few years on me, and I’m not exactly a new-born baby) sat next to me decided to check my knowledge of poker hand nicknames and slang.

She was quite shocked when I didn’t know half of the hand-names she was rattling off, particularly as I write about the game for a living! Embarrassed by this gap in my poker resume, I decided to look into the naming of hands and was completely shocked to find there are literally hundreds and hundreds of nicknames.

Not just ‘Big Slick’, ‘Pocket Rockets’ and ‘The Dead Man’s Hand’ (my knowledge wasn’t quite that limited) but it turns out that some hands have up to a dozen different nicknames and backgrounds.

Let’s look at a few, starting with the one which I was stumped by first.

The Gay Waiter, also known in the US as the San Francisco Busboy.

Not the most politically-correct of names nowadays, but this hand is Q3. Queen with a tray! Amused by me not knowing this, my blonde table companion threw me the next one.

Dolly Parton. Now I knew this one, but flustered I blurted out 88 as an answer. It makes sense given the busty singer’s most obvious attributes, but the answer is obviously 95, from her song and movie title 9 ’til 5.

Even my 88 answer has some novel names I knew nothing of, the most relevant - this year at least - being Back to the Future, given that the speed required to operate the time travel machine was 88mph. Who’d have thunk it? Not this poker journo!

Blondie’s bemusement turned to bewilderment when I was unable to even tell her what the ‘Scottish Card’ was. Apparently the 9 of diamonds is famous in Scottish lore, with the most popular tale being that 9 of the precious gems were stolen from the crown jewels, and every person in the land had to pay a tax until their worth was replaced.

Ok, it wasn’t an actual poker ‘hand’, but still – I’m Scottish and should at least have had some clue about this!

The guy to the left of us was similarly clueless about such slang terms, although he did mention he’d heard a new one –to him – the previous evening at the casino. Now it turns out that in the US it’s known as the Bachelor’s Hand, but in colloquial Scottish at least it’s referred to as the Wanking Hand – yep, you guessed it, Jack-King off!

The poker dictionary seems to revel in some rude, crude and unprintable nicknames, but I’ll try to keep it as clean as possible here – although again a non-PC hand rears its ugly head.

The Transvestite? Nope, I didn’t know it either, but apparently it’s a name for A4.

Why? Well, you peel back one card and see your ace peeking proudly out, and then you get a surge of optimism when the second card seems to be an ace too, but then that sinking feeling that you’ve been cheated appears when you realise it’s just a 4 instead.

Very clever some of these names, and very amusing too. Let’s see if you know this trio…

• The Gilchrist (This is one for the Aussies out there)
• Jack Shit (An English phrase, but easy to work out)
• Joe Louis (A hand for the US boxing fans)

We’ll check how well you did at the end of the article, but first let’s look at a few more.

JQ is known as the Maverick, after the hit TV show theme song which runs, "Livin' on jacks and queens. Maverick is a legend of the west."

AK is known widely –and rather cruelly -as Anna Kournikova because it ‘looks good but never wins’. This hand became a running theme in Anthony Holden’s classic poker book ‘A Bigger Deal’, an excellent reprise of his first novel ‘A Big Deal’ set in the casinos and back-rooms which the author spent his days and nights.

A pair of Jacks are commonly called Fishhooks, not only because of their resemblance to them - JJ – but also because ‘fish’ lose with them so often to overpairs.

The Beer Hand – 72offsuit is so-called because you should either fold it and go get a beer, or buy everyone a beer when it somehow wins or, most appropriate, you really have to have your belly –and brain -full of beer already to play poker’s worst starting hand hand!

A couple now for the ‘geeks’ out there.

53? That would be the Juggernaut, an artifact card from Magic: The Gathering which in gaming parlance means it has a power of five and a toughness of three.

42 is known as the Answer – and for all you HitchHiker’s Guide to the Galaxy fans out there it’s obvious why. For those not conversant with Douglas Adams’ brilliant tale, the computer in the first novel - Deep Thought - works out that 42 is the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything.

Speaking of answers, let’s see if you knew the 3 hands from earlier….

The Gilchrist

I didn’t know this one, but apparently it’s used by Australians on account of their cricketer Adam Gilchrist’s excellence at scoring runs in 6’s and 4’s

Jack Shit

This one should be fairly easy – you’ve got half the answer already. It’s a Jack and a deuce –J2 – which is a nothing hand, in line with the JackShit phraseology meaning you have nothing

Joe Louis

This is the Ace of clubs and the Ace of spades- A♣ A♠ - and represents the two black eyes you’ll get if you fight the boxing legend!

So, there you have it – just a few of the most unusual and interesting hand-nicknames. There are so many out there that I maybe haven’t done full justice to the history and inventiveness of the naming of hands, but have a search or think yourself and post the best ones you know or find!