Poker Etiquette for Men Seated with Women

A simple glance at the poker tables at just about every live tournament and the most noticeable fact evidenced is that poker lacks a balance between the number of men and women participants.

Much talk within the industry has centered around ways in which more women can be attracted or recruited to enter poker rooms or events that are typically heavily dominated by men. Ladies-only events have managed to do that to some degree, but separating the sexes sort of misses the mark and perhaps creates a greater divide.

The idea is to integrate more women into all of the live events. But many ladies are much more comfortable grinding online rather than entering poker rooms or tournaments where more than 90% of the competition are men.

It takes a somewhat special, confident lady to excel in such an environment while being in the overwhelming minority and competing against males. Those men sometimes exhibit behavior toward women that the ladies find offensive. This no doubt contributes to the problem and ultimately keeps many poker-playing females at home and playing online rather than participating in live action and running the risk of feeling uncomfortable and intimidated.

Some of the problem lies with men and their lack of awareness as to how women should be treated at the poker tables. For that we turn to Elena Stover, who recently told Bluff Europe a handful of important ways in which men can show respect to women who happen to be seated amongst them while playing poker.

Stover has been competing at live poker venues for roughly four years and has recorded cashes beginning with the 2012 UKIPT Main Event in Nottingham to, most recently, the WPT500 in Las Vegas last June. Her best score, ironically, was a Women's Event at the PCA in January where a second place finish on an $1,100 buy-in was good for $14,460, according to the Hendon Mob database.

The first tip offered by Stover is to hold off on terms of affection. Using words such as "baby" or "honey" while addressing your female tablemate is both unwanted and inappropriate. Stover points out that "referring to a woman you don’t know using these terms is rude" and is not acceptable just about anywhere, including at a poker table.

While refraining from terms of endearment, it is also proper etiquette to avoid showering the lady at your table with attention and flirtatious advances. She is there to play poker and is not there to increase her odds of finding a significant other by being the only woman among nine players seated.

Along the same lines, while it may feel gentlemanly to offer to buy a drink for the lady, Stover says otherwise. "Do not offer to buy a woman a drink unless you have also been offering to buy drinks for others at the table," Stover advises. "If you are buying everyone a round, I will gladly accept!"

In other words, treat the lady at your table the same as you would the other male players. That includes avoiding asking whether or not she is at the event with her boyfriend. Stover finds such questions both common and awkward.

"Whether or not a woman is at the casino with her boyfriend isn’t anybody’s business, and the question comes with the implication that it’s abnormal for her to be there playing poker by herself," Stover said. "A girl doesn’t go to a poker room to meet guys, she goes there to play poker and have fun, so don’t treat her like she’s just showed up at a singles bar."

Lastly, the final tip imparted by Stover to men at poker tables was to do away with macho posturing and attempting to "own" the table, so to speak, with regard to seeking the attention of the only lady present. While poker is an aggressive game, limit your aggression to your wagers and rein it in if your desire is to be the table's alpha male.