What's the Nastiest Move in Poker?

(Photo: Floptech.com)

Poker is one of the most social games around. That is, of course, until you want to punch the guy sitting across from you in the face.

We’ve all been there. What started out as a fun, profitable session - building chip castles at the table and spending your winnings in your mind before you even leave your seat - gets ruined by someone who is either playing like a donkey, hitting his one-outer over and over (bonus points if he keeps talking about how “any hand can win”), or is just plain being a ****.

While it’s true that the list of ways to be “that guy” at the poker table runs longer than a Phil Hellmuth tirade after his seven-deuce gets cracked, below is the short list of five of the nastiest things that can happen to you at a poker table. Spoiler alert: while it may suck to have these things happen to you, it can be equally as hilarious to watch them happen to someone else.

Getting check-raised

Smelling blood when an opponent checks to you is one of the best ways to play profitable poker. Being aggressive in pots that no one seems to want is an important weapon to have in your arsenal. But on the other hand, it definitely comes with a dark side. Having your plan to collect the dead money met with a check-raise from an opponent is without a doubt one of the sickest feelings in poker. It’s a move so universally considered frustrating that I have heard of home games where it is actually banned.

Although that’s a bit extreme, it’s not hard to see why. Getting check-raised always seems to have a certain “Murphy’s Law” aspect to it. If you think the guy is bluffing, he’ll show you the nuts; if you think the guy as the nuts, he’ll turn over his jack-high bluff. In fact, there’s only one in-game move worse than a check-raise - a double-check raise:

Slow-rolls

Being slow-rolled is a lot like a hot girl letting you buy her a drink at the bar, only to watch her walk away and hand it to her boyfriend. An opponent who lets you think you’ve won a pot, only to laugh as he then turns over the winning hand at the last moment, can send even the most disciplined player on a serious tilt.

Slow-rolls are so nasty that there is almost not a single time when it is appropriate to do. Even if you’re the one that’s been wronged by a slow-roll, that doesn’t give you license to do it back at the next possible opportunity. In fact, the only time it IS appropriate is if you are 96 years old and winning a pot for your tournament life during the World Series of Poker Main Event. And yes, that has actually happened, and yes, it is just as glorious as you are imagining:

Tanking with AA

If you remember nothing else about poker, remember that getting dealt AA is a cause for celebration - not an opportunity to be a dick.

There seems to be an epidemic of this kind of nasty behavior lately. Live tournaments now are filled with people who tank pre-flop with AA, and then make the excuse that they are “balancing their tanking range”. While I’m all for playing to win by keeping your opponents off-balance, this is definitely not the way to do it.

Those who engage in these antics may think that they are making some kind of advanced poker theory play. In reality, we all know that what they are actually doing is laying the ground work for a huge suck-out to be laid on them by the poker gods as a karma payback for being so insufferably irritating to everyone else at the table.

@Hayden_Glassman Please slowroll the dude who keeps tanking with aces.

— Pete Kaemmerlen (@RealBillyBizzle) June 7, 2016

Angle Shooting

Here’s my tip for anyone thinking about shooting an angle at the poker table - don’t do it. While this kind of behavior might have been somewhat romanticized by the character “Worm” in the poker classic “Rounders”, the reality is that angle-shooting isn’t just nasty - it’s downright unethical.

And even if you are a soulless person looking for any edge you can get, angle shots can also be hazardous to your health. People don’t take to kindly to getting cheated. This type of thing is taken so seriously that even just a suspicion that someone isn’t playing on the up-and-up will cause tempers to flare up enough to not only ruin poker games, but also to potentially destroy poker friendships as well - especially within the high stakes community:

Berating players at the table

It would be easy to caveat this one with “unless they deserve it”, but the truth is that berating someone at the table is a serious no-no. It’s important to remember that most people come to the poker table to have a good time. Getting nasty with an opponent is bad for everyone - it ruins the fun for recreational players, chases the soft money away for pros, and makes just about everyone uncomfortable.

However, I will say that while there is never any excuse to berate someone yourself, watching this happen can sometimes lead to hilarious results. After all, Phil Hellmuth’s propensity for berating players at the table did give us one of the most epic moments in modern poker history:

So, what is the nastiest move in poker?

No matter what you think the nastiest thing that can happen at the poker table is, it’s important to remember that the game is about having fun. As long as you are treating everyone at the table with respect, you can’t go wrong. And remember, fortune smiles on those who know how to take the high road.