Cumicon and His $7million Misery

5 years ago
Cumicon and His $7million Misery
04 Dec

It’s the dream of many an online poker player the world over – to crush the game, make millions, and then retire early to enjoy the fruits of their labours – but for some reason the phenomenal success of PLO beast ‘cumicon’ in doing exactly this (a staggering $7,423,253 profit according to his sick winning graph) has become not a celebration of the game, but instead a vision of a lonely and miserable existence.

Cumicon may not be a household name among the poker community, but he really ought to be, as the 30-year old took on all and sundry at stakes ranging from $5/$10 all the way up to 7-figure wins against the legendary Viktor ‘Isildur1’ Blom at $200/$400 – especially now that he has released his winning graph and figures, stating on a 2+2 forum post:

"I am quitting poker and want to share my graph now that I don't need to worry about killing any potential action I might get."

Joining Joey ‘Chicago Joey’ Ingram on his ‘Poker Life Podcast’ to discuss an amazing online career, it’s hard to imagine a less-impressive opening line from Cumicon when asked why he is giving up the game:

"Number 1, I don’t really like playing poker."

With one poster on 2+2 commenting:

"This is f****** awesome, this is like an interview with a man who has just been released from a 5 year prison sentence for a crime he didn't commit," while another commented: "Watching that pod was eye opening in the sense that one person could get the kind of results that someone like me can only dream of but still be unsatisfied in many ways."

It’s easy to be jealous of such success, especially as ‘cumicon’ stated in his farewell to poker announcement on 2+2:

"These are my results over the past 5 years. I did this without ever really working on my game away from the tables, so it’s still possible to be a lazy poker player and make money in today's games," – but I don’t think this is what is grating with most people.

I guess we expect more from our heroes – those whose success we want to replicate and who will help to bring more people into the game – and the bottom line is that ‘cumicon’ makes neither an attractive option: I don’t imagine anyone thinking of giving up their day job would expect to grind their way to +$7,423,253, and nor would they want to be as unhappy as Cumicon appears to be.

In any event, for anyone who does fancy reaching his dizzy heights and personal lows, it won’t be ‘cumicon’ helping them – a straightforward ‘please don't send me any coaching requests, I am not interested’ kiboshing any such thoughts poker crusher wannabes might have.

Not, of course, that Cumicon ‘owes’ anyone in the community. He won his money, he hated it a lot of the time, and now he’s getting out, but still – a few words of encouragement for others might not have gone amiss.

Cumicon, of course, is an individual – and one who clearly struggles with social communication – so it might seem unfair to single him out. However, his story doesn’t relate the real possibilities for poker players which are still available, despite what the doom-mongers in the game might say.

You can make money – good money – if you put in the hard work. Online not working? Too lonely? Move to live cash games. Your dream is to bink a big one and turn pro? It happens all the time, and you don’t even have to be THAT great at the game! Or the thread on 2+2 which sees a 30-something who’d love to give up his day job and make a living from online poker. Why aren’t we hearing from these guys and girls on podcasts, perhaps with an expert’s advice?

Chicago Joey, of course, can also do what he wants – and has brought us some great guests over the past couple of years, but his constant PLO-this and PLO-that is, frankly, annoying. I know it’s his game, his love, his passion – but enough already!

OK, so this is a very subjective article. Check out the podcast and judge for yourself – it covers a lot more ground than I have focused on, but it certainly doesn’t come across as ‘happy hour’ at Joey’s house.

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Andrew from Edinburgh, Scotland, is a professional journalist, international-titled chess master, and avid poker player.Read more


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